um...

Ok, my depression is hitting me pretty hard right now. I dont really know if I can explain it all, but it seems like every last bit of my life is being sucked out of me. I tried to quit drinking, and I was doing good this entire week. Its been peaceful, and I've gotten along with everyone at my house. I decide to go back out into the real world to associate myself with my family, and it seems that it is all a continous cycle once again. I know that I shouldn't look for excuses, but yes im drinking again today. Not saying that i'm going to start drinking again, but I'm drinking as of today. I want my problems to go away tonight. So, here it is......


Any way, my mother lost her house, my step father lost his job, and now they are trying to find a place to put their dog up for a while. I dont care much for the dog, and I dont really want to but yet feel like I should. Its going to inconvience my room mates, and I really hate that. I know that it some times seems like that I dont really care about what my room mates think, but its actually the opposite of that. I try my best to be a fair person and analyze the situation from all angles. I probably haven't made the best decisions, but I'm trying.

I have been close to my room mates for some time now, and now they are living with me I'm coming closer to them. There is one that I live with that is out spoken, but I cherish that. I know that I can come to her with anything and get an honest opinion. One of the things I always value in a friend is their integrity, and I honestly believe that we will be friends for a long time.


I truely hope things start looking up for me. I dont know how long my will can take this. I'm at the point of snapping, and have seriously be suicidal lately. Although, I have to stay strong for other people around me. I know that if it were my ex, she would notice things wrong with me without even asking. Any way, I guess I will deal with the cards being dealt with me.. hope to talk back soon....

-H